Selected-By: Joshua.R.Poulson@cyber.Widener.EDU The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O mighty Oracle, endowed with the wisdom of the Universe and one > _really_ nasty babe for a main squeeze, > > Why do people think legalizing drugs is The Answer? I thought The > Answer was 42. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The great and mighty Oracle has deigned to give you an answer to this } question. You should offer thanks. } } Throughout time immemorial, it has been asked: What is the purpose of } human existance? } } At first this was easy. The answer was food } } You see, back in the Paleozoooliphic, the answer to everything was } either food or rock. } } What do you want? "Food" Where do you live? "Rock" Look, that guy is } making off with your stuff, what will you do? "Rock make him food!" } } As you can see, conversation wasn't too stimulating, and philosophers } were stuck with saying things like "rock is rock" and "food is not } rock" Luckily rock candy had not been invented yet. } } Many years passed, vocab increased, and finally the ancient greeks got } back around to the question. Socrates explained how the question had no } meaning. He of course was wrong, but he was such a great pain in the } ass that people agreed with him to shut him up. Finally, they slipped } some hemlock in his tea, and that was that. } } Later, once the vocabulary had gotten all settled, the } Romans came up with another answer, one which many of us would agree } with today. This, of course was sex. It was later found, however, that } sex could not be the answer. Sex was the question. Yes was the answer. } } This whole issue got more confused around the time of Jesus. You see, } Jesus was convinced that Love was the answer. By this, he did not mean } what most people think of as love, because then he could have just } said that sex is the answer. That would lead to the problem above, } Now, Love might be a possible alternative to sex, but the Romans } were so upset by the idea that sex wasn't it, that they nailed Jesus } to a couple of planks. } } The Roman empire fell to the barbarians, and it was back to food for } most of the dark ages. } } When the Renaissance finally hit, the answer was Painting. Later on } they decided that that was just too silly, and changed it to } Enlightenment. } This worked fine for the aristocracy, but, at least in France, the } pesants revolted, and settled firmly on food again. } } Not too much after this, drugs spread out through western culture. } Some people at this time suggested that drugs were the answer, but } Opium isn't really powerful enough to blot out all other questions, so } it was quietly shelved for a later date. } } At one point this century, the proposal "Coke is it" was widely } spread, but if Coke was it, what was New Coke? It flat and too sweet? } No, that idea was also disregarded. } } In the '60s, everything disregarded came back with a vengance (except } painting, it was still too silly) "Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll." } The Republicans hated this (They thought the answer was Money), and } they conspired to break the idea at its weak point; Drugs. So went the } revisionists (who ignored the fact that George Washington grew } Marijuana), and they outlawed drugs. Outlawing sex would have been } nice for them, but even they realized that Republicans, at least, had } to reproduce. } } In 197something, Douglas Adams decided that the answer to Life, the } Universe and Everything was 42. Being irrational, it made it difficult } to refute, and so was popular among young Democrats (Who had lost so } many brain cells due to drugs that they were equally irrational), and } science fiction fans (who were so weird that they could just accept } it). } } You now see where your question fits in. Some people think that the } solution is to legalize Drugs, and some think that the answer is 42. } Others think it is sex, a few still believe in Coke, and food is a } perrenial favorite. Of course the true answer is there, and has been } for a while... } } The answer is.... } } Painting. Of course. } } You owe the Oracle a Velvet Elvis.
Last Modified : February 15, 1999
Heather Garvey / raven@xnet.com