Bachelor in Applied Science (Systems Administrator) (B.App.Sc.(SA))

Submission Dates

Submission dates for assignments may be altered with the agreement of the majority of the students enrolled in the subject/class concerned. Any alterations to submission dates will be notified to all students concerned either in writing, or by the student news group alt.sysadmin.recovery. Students must read this news group for announcements. Alternatively, using the table in the Bribes section, most requests can be catered for.

Penalties for late submission

Late assignments are not accepted unless by prior arrangement. Or accompanied by a massive bribe or free sex. Or a lifetime supply of caffeine or TimTams.

Academic Dishonesty

Students are reminded that cheating, fabrication or falsification of data, and plagiarism are acceptable. (To plagiarise is to submit work in your name, but which is proved to be copied or derived in part or total from another person's work.) Students are responsible for ensuring that their work is secure and not promulgated. Students who are alleged to have plagiarised or who have allegedly allowed their work to be copied will face disciplinary proceedings if caught. The trick is not to be caught.

Students are also expected to be aware of their individual rights and responsibilities regarding the proper use of copyright material. Don't ask, don't tell.

Assessment Gradings

HD 85 - 100%: You graduate with top honours. Your padded cell is ready.
DI 75 - 84%: Getting towards the top of the class. Your work will be checked to ensure it is someone else's.
CR 65 - 74%: Average stuff. Pull the finger out.
PA 50 - 64%: You're spending too much time playing doom or in the coffee houses.
NN 0 - 49%: You obviously have no clue. Join the great unwashed.

Texts

You are advised to postpone purchase until after you graduate. Recommended References :

SKANSHOLM, J. : Coffee from the Beginning Addison-Wesley, 2nd Edition, 1994

First Year

SA100 Basic Coping with users 16 credit points
(2 hours lecture, 1 hour tutorial, 1 hour contact time) How to deal with people who have trouble with the family toaster and feel that all technology hates them in particular.
SA101 Caffeine 101 16 credit points
(1 hour lecture, 3 hours in favorite coffee shop) Where to get your RDI of caffeine. How to make a cup of coffee in less time than it takes to format a floppy.
SA110 Frustration Principles 1 16 credit points
(2 hour lecture, 1 hour group therapy, 1 hour contact) Stress Management techniques. Basic ganjah theory. What to do with the boss who will not say "no" to your users. Dealing with users who have difficulty in interpreting basic English.
SA190 Computer-Human Interaction 12 credit points
(1 hour lecture, 1 hour tutorial, 1 hour with a sledge hammer) The computer is your friend! Your Service to the computer is rewarded! Traitors are everywhere! Know the enemy! Guard against treason! Serve the Computer!

Second Year

SA200 Coping With Users in Principle 16 credit points
(2 hours lecture, 1 hour contact, 1 hour intense therapy) How social engineering works. When to use it. Ethics and how to get around them. How to hang up on a user who has "just one more question".
SA205 Dealing with Bosses 1 16 credit points
(3 hour lecture, 1 hour contact) How to justify your existance as a cost centre. How to get new toys. How to ensure that you don't have to wear a suit, even if your employer is McDonald's.
SA220 Stress Management In Action 16 credit points
(4 hours down the local) Advanced ganjah and alcohol use. How to operate under the influence. Nerf strategy.
SA235 Hardware Recovery 12 credit points
(1 hour lecture, 3 hour hands-on tutorial down the tip) How to resurrect that flakey old server to survive just one more year to justify a new one. Advanced data trashing techniques.

Third Year

Choose any two or anything that adds up past 40 points. Timing varies depending on your talent at skiving off.

SA300 Advanced Social Engineering 8 credit points
Learn how to get all the gossip. Take over the company. Easy stuff for smooth talkers.
SA310 Advanced Caffeine Use 50 credit points
Work out what your LD50 is in just 50 sessions.
SA320 Sleep Deprivation 12 credit points
Learn how to deal without that old-fashioned concept of sleep. Learn to love that feeling of sandpaper eye, and other symptoms. Learn to love the 12.30 pm to 3.30 am work day.
SA325 Meeting Distraction Techniques 12 credit points
Learn how to distract opponents at meetings to bolster your shaky position. Make them look like utter fools.
SA331 Advanced Bullshitting 12 credit points
The objective is to be able to use spurious logic on people, and account for all your time whilst still being able to do the stuff you want to do on work time.
SA340 On-line Chatting up 12 credit points
Learn the finer points of having phone sex. Learn how to phreak your companies PABX to pay for it. Learn how to arrange a real live warm body on IRC. How to get off in #hottub or #netsex. You'll need this one if you have no social skills, or haven't seen the sun in three years.

Send comments, hints, etc, to simes@tcp.co.uk

Last Modified : Dec. 4, 1995

Heather Garvey / raven@xnet.com